This past Saturday, four courageous men joined me online for a Virtual Day of Deep Process. I was uncertain this first time, yet having successfully deep processed with a number of individual clients over the years, I intuitively felt that my/our good intentions would handle whatever logistical and/or technological disturbances that might arise. Indeed, it was a powerful experience. Today, I write this to men in the work, and to the work in men …
Thank you so much for your courage in sharing all of you with me. I have often imagined that you are in this much pain, and maybe this is why I am drawn to you. I have an emotional attraction to deeply wounded men, as my grandfather was such a man.
In each of us, there is this pain, a deep unfulfilled longing in the core of our being. The horror that now covers the earth can only emerge from this dark, deep pain. A sorry state of affairs, ongoing for thousands of years, now threatening our entire species. Some of us come into life with a ‘magnetic center’, a natural inclination toward the mystical, esoteric, the soul & spirit of things. Rumi said that the wound is the place where light enters the body. I imagine that the wounds of childhood are the gift … they provide the raw material to fashion our unique individual light & purpose. Some of us are called into this work from the moment of conception, others not in this lifetime.
Mi hermano George Daranyi & I sit with four young men in recovery every other week here in Tucson. We bring them something to ally with their 12-step work, a teaching class on men’s work from the bottom up. Last week, we mentioned a book by John Bradshaw: “Healing the Shame That Binds You”. He said what is now strongly believed in the recovery community … shame is at the root of all addiction. Addicted or sober, we all mood alter pain, each in our own ways. Shame is a wound to the being. And in the belief that I am not enough, I take medicine, sometimes toxic, sometimes benign.
I read Bradshaw in the beginning of my true healing work. This book ripped me apart, brought me countless times to my knees, until I came face to face with my demons, waiting for me in my subterranean passageways. I travel these dark roads willingly, knowing that initiation is the doorway to transformation. When the ego kicks & screams, I know I am in the right place.
The real medicine to heal the soul’s wound can only come from the soul. The unreal medicine both promises and delivers a temporary respite. The shaman’s work is to descend, confront the terrifying horror & poison, and bring back true medicine, for self and for others.