S/HE Dream – Integration

While this writing is personal, I also sense its potential value to our ongoing gender conversations. Take what is useful, leave the rest.

My primary inner work, for all of my life, is the discovery of the Sacred Masculine & Feminine within my everyday life, and how S/HE informs the work I have been called to do in the world. I learned that it is unwise to do one without the other, for indeed I am both in my soul, where each gifts me and each asks something from me.

I use the cross as the sacred symbol to represent this relationship, with the vertical being the masculine within and the horizontal being the feminine within. To the degree to which I am clear and conscious along my vertical, I move into the horizontal connections with more grace & strength. When I am true to myself in my vertical “I”, I am good to others in the horizontal “We”. From my early youth through my entire life, my soul has offered this deep integration, I have followed reverently, and I remain a work in progress.

Early yesterday morning I had a dream:

I am in the hot baths and I see a woman in the water. She is dark haired, dark skin, young beautiful Latina, looks like Ashley Judd. She subtly smiles at me and I feel my heart stir. Off to the side, I see my black moto, and my body is drawn to her.

The scene changes and I am seated in the middle of a long restaurant table. Some women enter from the right and I stand up to greet them, as they move along the opposite side of the table to take their seats. The first one is a light haired, light skinned woman, naked to the waist. Her full breasts are white with pink nipples, with dark hair on them. The next one who enters is the woman from the baths. She too is naked to the waist, dark breasts with dark nipples. As she sits down opposite me, I notice that from the top of her breasts up to the bottom of her neck, her chest is covered with dark curly hair.

I am startled, in the moment struggling to integrate the incongruity & paradox. She looks directly at me, I smile, she smiles back. Then from out of nowhere, I hear my father’s homophobic voice calling my name in his sharp, judgmental tone. I wake up laughing and deeply connected.