Here I Am

Shimmering, watery lights, exploding through the ceiling of my fears.
I open to the expanse of 700 million stars.
At once I ascend, free and unencumbered
only to be dropped back into the flood.

Dirty water pulsing with dead horses, lifeless limbs,
long leggy ladies looking with longing.
I flail my arms, kick my legs,
only to remain in the same place.

Saudi jets, small cars with large trailers, angry dykes,
they offer me their cold white hands.
I reach out to take hold, only to collapse back in,
sad, empty, alone.

What is the beautiful, I ask?
What is beautiful that will always remain beautiful?
A sinking feeling grips my soul,
a deep knowing that no-thing is real.

Nothing sustains except the eternal flood.
Waves rise up and recede.
The ocean does not care for my comfort,
for it does not recognize my separateness.

It invites me to dissolve into its bosom,
to surrender the struggle,
to come home to the abundance of is-ness.
I penetrate the moment of putting one foot in front of the other.

For here I am, here I am, here I am … and there I go.

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